tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7872367422164120930.post8825423374993658528..comments2023-10-23T22:35:50.067-04:00Comments on Mostly BassAckwards: lying around here...Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7872367422164120930.post-58266955706988837882008-11-19T22:22:00.000-05:002008-11-19T22:22:00.000-05:00No way is the right way ... in parenting :-)No way is the right way ... in parenting :-)The RockStarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04041985402992052316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7872367422164120930.post-42473956595314250902008-11-18T23:24:00.000-05:002008-11-18T23:24:00.000-05:00itspews: thanks for the reply on the post. I didn...itspews: thanks for the reply on the post. I didn't disclose the actual 'dirty deed' topic for the very reason that I respect that this is a developmental change, a personal struggle, and a growth opportunity. I tried my very best to be tactful in this post. It means something to *me* to journal, I can look and reflect and think.... rambling...It seems this comes and goes in parenting, and I am thankful to have our parents to talk to about it... masters of parenting - and they're wise beyond their years.<BR/><BR/>Rockstar/Coolmom: I also appreciate the your insight. We love getting other perspectives. Our way, isn't always the right way and it's clear to us that we'd be fooling ourselves if we thought that it always was!just another motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11422764262376833562noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7872367422164120930.post-23493624206605633632008-11-18T23:15:00.000-05:002008-11-18T23:15:00.000-05:00We were bombarded recently with a huge act of dece...We were bombarded recently with a huge act of deceit that rocked us to our core (and I won't reveal), and what it attempted to cover was even worse. And on top of that, lies and general passive aggressive, non compliant behavior are going on. <BR/><BR/>In our kid's case, I see various reasons behind it: 1) the world is sinful 2) we are all self-preservationists 3) developmentally, kids want to assert some independence SOME Where 4) we have made some mistakes in our parenting 5) our daughter has used deceit to cover up other issues we needed to deal with long before now. These are all valid reasons.<BR/><BR/>That said, it does somewhat help to know the reasons and yet it does not aptly provide a solution. So what is pulling me through this is prayer for God to help her, prayer for God to help ME be the parent she needs, and prayer that I will be forgiving, because lying destroys trust. I am trying to make my mercies new every morning with a completely clean slate, and to not test my daughter by asking inane questions like, "Did you..." when I know she did not. Why punish us both by setting her up to lie? I TRY to address things directly with "You did/did not _____. Let's talk about it." Testing is a natural reaction, but I think in the long run it makes a bad situation worse and hinders healing. <BR/><BR/>I loved the way the rockstar addresses this same issue because above all, we need to understand that we are all falliable, and sometimes there are underlying issues deep in the heart. I love the "think before your answer." I am certainly going to be using that.<BR/><BR/>I'm praying for you, as always.Boneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13956935016401705771noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7872367422164120930.post-44455269207974800312008-11-18T12:29:00.000-05:002008-11-18T12:29:00.000-05:00I am intrigued by this post. We have an AWFUL amo...I am intrigued by this post. We have an AWFUL amount of lying that goes on over at the rockstar household. Alot of it has to do with the fact that we have a few wounded children with detachment disorders where lying is second nature (actually first nature). We hold the kids responsible for their lies, but for the ones where the instinct is to lie, we give them one chance. <BR/><BR/>The first thing they do is lie. When we know it is a lie, we then say something along the lines of "OK, I really don't feel you are being honest with that answer. Don't say anything, think about it for a minute and then when you are ready tell us the truth."<BR/><BR/>The kids know when they hear that out of our mouths that they have a get out of jail free card, yet they also know if they continue with the lie for one more minute ... punishment is on the horizon. <BR/><BR/>Most of the time, if given a second to really think about which is worse, correcting the lie or receiving punishment, they usually turn towards the light ... usually :-)<BR/><BR/>Good honest post. It is not all lollypops and ice cream unfortunately!The RockStarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04041985402992052316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7872367422164120930.post-31513378193684734872008-11-18T11:56:00.000-05:002008-11-18T11:56:00.000-05:00You know, I was just reading an article about chil...You know, I was just reading an article about children and lying. For example, a 3 year old child will lie to his/her parent. They don't do it with deceit in mind, it's a natural form of self preservation. The "fight or flight" reflex, if you will. When someone is confronted with something they instinctually think could harm them, the first reaction is to protect ones self. I think as adults, we try to learn to condition ourselves to tell the truth, but no one reall wants to show the ugly side. So while you may be using this as a forum to talk about your kids accomplishments, you're not lying by not mentioning them, you're merely omitting them.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com