A new path...
My mom bought me a book for my birthday, it's filled with quotations, interviews with some random people, statements, and biblical references about how you should let go, and love, accept, and forgive and forget. It couldn't have come at a more appropriate time in my life. Lately, I'm sitting around wondering "what is THAT about???" or "WHY and what GIVES??" about many things in this crazy life of ours. I have to LET GO, let go of the 'what if's' about this life and what's gone on in it. I LET IT GO. Laying my burdens down. I want to live like I am dying (because in all reality - we ALL are, someday)... One of my favorite excerpts about life from the book I received: Live: With passion and purpose, and mission and meaning and with a little wild abandon. With no forgiveness withheld and no anger held within. I just want to live life with my husband, love him and my family, and be happy while watching these two boys of ours grow into men.
I'm going to try to journal my "bucket list". But it's not really a huge deal bucket list, so I'm calling my list the LLYWD list. (live like you were dying) It's really nothing spectacular or over the top (yet!) - but it's mine ;).
One thing on my list is to take a vacation on a COMPLETE WHIM. And we're going next week ;-). I sat here just now, talked to the hubs, and we decided, and we booked it. Dangit - our family deserves a pick me up. Recently, this whole household has felt a downer and it's not fair, so we're gonna reward ourselves with a quick 3 day getaway before school starts back. I've always been a planner, when it comes to things like vacation - but hey, you only live once, right?? Baby steps turned into a giant leap.
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label changes. Show all posts
Friday, August 7, 2009
letting go...
Looking in another direction
Each time something drastic occurs, we take a new path, my husband and I and our two kids. You can't do anything about what this life hands you by way of tragic events, but you CAN do something about how it affects you. I'm challenging myself, to live like I am dying. To forget about all of the 'wrong' that has been done to me, or my idea of the 'wrong', to realize and embrace differences and accept people for WHO THEY ARE in my life, to FORGIVE & FORGET, FOR LIFE, FOR LOVE, FOREVER. As Charlotte Bronte once said "Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs." I have LET IT GO!! There's no point in holding on to anything that feels "wrong" inside, right??
So I started my own little 'bucket list' after watching two people in my life die in the past 3 years. One KNEW she was dying and showed me what love, forgiveness, and absolute grace looked like while each day stepping closer to her death. She had a hand in planning her funeral, and made it her last wish that during HER funeral, those that were closest to her felt like SHE was there with them. The other had NO IDEA that his day was August 6, 2007. He knew that life was precious, he had a few scares the year before. He did not take one person in his life for granted, he did not let the sun go down on his feelings. At his funeral, the song 'live like you were dying' was played and it's taken me 2 years to really be able to listen to the words. The words have hit me like a ton of bricks this week, as if to say "hey you idiot, get with it, you're not getting any younger by the day!!" My upbringing was that I should not take any day for granted, and that the sun should not go down on our feelings - and some days, and some situations that's easier said then done. I think the saying goes "Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, That's why it's called the Present"..... it's time to live like we're dying.
Each time something drastic occurs, we take a new path, my husband and I and our two kids. You can't do anything about what this life hands you by way of tragic events, but you CAN do something about how it affects you. I'm challenging myself, to live like I am dying. To forget about all of the 'wrong' that has been done to me, or my idea of the 'wrong', to realize and embrace differences and accept people for WHO THEY ARE in my life, to FORGIVE & FORGET, FOR LIFE, FOR LOVE, FOREVER. As Charlotte Bronte once said "Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs." I have LET IT GO!! There's no point in holding on to anything that feels "wrong" inside, right??
So I started my own little 'bucket list' after watching two people in my life die in the past 3 years. One KNEW she was dying and showed me what love, forgiveness, and absolute grace looked like while each day stepping closer to her death. She had a hand in planning her funeral, and made it her last wish that during HER funeral, those that were closest to her felt like SHE was there with them. The other had NO IDEA that his day was August 6, 2007. He knew that life was precious, he had a few scares the year before. He did not take one person in his life for granted, he did not let the sun go down on his feelings. At his funeral, the song 'live like you were dying' was played and it's taken me 2 years to really be able to listen to the words. The words have hit me like a ton of bricks this week, as if to say "hey you idiot, get with it, you're not getting any younger by the day!!" My upbringing was that I should not take any day for granted, and that the sun should not go down on our feelings - and some days, and some situations that's easier said then done. I think the saying goes "Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, That's why it's called the Present"..... it's time to live like we're dying.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
on day at a time...
Thinking back
I made an appointment with my regular physician not too long ago and sat down with her for a 1 hour consult. I wondered, do I need medical intervention to help me cope with my feelings of anxiety, and at times feelings of general depression? I haven't felt like 'me' in a very long time. During the last 4 years of our lives, there's been some pretty big stuff. ALL of which has, in its own way, impressed upon me how very fragile this life is and can be...
She asked "what has occurred to make you FEEL different about your life".... I replied, "In 2004 my father had quadruple bypass surgery... also, in 2004 we moved into a new house, a brand new adventure, our first mortgage, and sometime that same year I was told I have Lupus symptoms - likely flared up due to stress. Then in January of 2005 my husband had a sudden heart attack which resulted in triple bypass surgery, 3-4 months later we found out we were pregnant and the pregnancy was high risk due to various circumstances determined by my ob/gyn, but things went very smoothly until delivery... that was a bit of a chaotic situation, but everyone turned out ok in the end. During that pregnancy, my stepmother was diagnosed with a rapid and terminal cancer. She died when my son was 10 months old in 2006. And, then in August of 2007, my brother died. Since then, my husband's been through 2 layoffs with his job, and it sometimes seems like we're paddling upstream." But we've been BLESSED too, little J was born healthy, and after surgery big J is healthy, my dad is healthy, and lots of other things are pure blessings in our lives.
HOLY CRAP she looked at me like I had four heads. Even though I'm POSITIVE there are people with much more then that in their lives, I think she was poorly prepared for what I had to say just by her expression and tears. She offered me her hugs, and her tears, and her tissues. She told me that she was very suprised that I hadn't had serious anxiety, and that some people even have PTSD after some of these events. She gave me a medication to take for 3 months only. I took it for 4 weeks, and ended up feeling even more void then I felt before, so she recommended I come off of it completely and begin deep breathing exercises and try to manage my stress and anxiety on my own as long as it didn't become depression I'd be ok - in her professional opinion. My opinion?? HA. I think I'm a nutjob most of the time....
So - One day at a time....
I made an appointment with my regular physician not too long ago and sat down with her for a 1 hour consult. I wondered, do I need medical intervention to help me cope with my feelings of anxiety, and at times feelings of general depression? I haven't felt like 'me' in a very long time. During the last 4 years of our lives, there's been some pretty big stuff. ALL of which has, in its own way, impressed upon me how very fragile this life is and can be...
She asked "what has occurred to make you FEEL different about your life".... I replied, "In 2004 my father had quadruple bypass surgery... also, in 2004 we moved into a new house, a brand new adventure, our first mortgage, and sometime that same year I was told I have Lupus symptoms - likely flared up due to stress. Then in January of 2005 my husband had a sudden heart attack which resulted in triple bypass surgery, 3-4 months later we found out we were pregnant and the pregnancy was high risk due to various circumstances determined by my ob/gyn, but things went very smoothly until delivery... that was a bit of a chaotic situation, but everyone turned out ok in the end. During that pregnancy, my stepmother was diagnosed with a rapid and terminal cancer. She died when my son was 10 months old in 2006. And, then in August of 2007, my brother died. Since then, my husband's been through 2 layoffs with his job, and it sometimes seems like we're paddling upstream." But we've been BLESSED too, little J was born healthy, and after surgery big J is healthy, my dad is healthy, and lots of other things are pure blessings in our lives.
HOLY CRAP she looked at me like I had four heads. Even though I'm POSITIVE there are people with much more then that in their lives, I think she was poorly prepared for what I had to say just by her expression and tears. She offered me her hugs, and her tears, and her tissues. She told me that she was very suprised that I hadn't had serious anxiety, and that some people even have PTSD after some of these events. She gave me a medication to take for 3 months only. I took it for 4 weeks, and ended up feeling even more void then I felt before, so she recommended I come off of it completely and begin deep breathing exercises and try to manage my stress and anxiety on my own as long as it didn't become depression I'd be ok - in her professional opinion. My opinion?? HA. I think I'm a nutjob most of the time....
So - One day at a time....
Monday, June 29, 2009
changing places
I'm moving, merging......Just so you guys know :) I've decided to minimize! This BassAckwards mom's life got a little more NuckinFuts crazy then usual. So, to cut down on my time spent blogging... I've decided that it's just as easy to put it all in one spot.
I'll be redirecting all of this blog's content and merging it with my original blog. I'll keep posting, I'll keep frugalizing my life... because, I enjoy it - and I enjoy sharing what I find with those of you who read here. Alot of my posts are full of info I stumble upon by friends, in stores, etc., and/or other blogs that I read. I really enjoy passing it forward! I'm all about a great deal! I realize that most all of what I find you could easily find for yourself with a little digging and googling... but the fun in it for me is simply passing it on!
I LOVE reviewing new products too!! I am posting my Jumpstart review this weekend.
I'll be redirecting all of this blog's content and merging it with my original blog. I'll keep posting, I'll keep frugalizing my life... because, I enjoy it - and I enjoy sharing what I find with those of you who read here. Alot of my posts are full of info I stumble upon by friends, in stores, etc., and/or other blogs that I read. I really enjoy passing it forward! I'm all about a great deal! I realize that most all of what I find you could easily find for yourself with a little digging and googling... but the fun in it for me is simply passing it on!
I LOVE reviewing new products too!! I am posting my Jumpstart review this weekend.
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