For all who know us - it's been 1 year of healthy heart living now. I wanted to just post this...
Words are hard for me when it comes to remembering all that this year’s brought us. You know that this week marks the one year anniversary of a 2nd lease on life. I like to look at is OUR second lease on a life together as a family with the E-man, and as a husband and wife that are still very much newlyweds. You know that Richard had asked me several times to give him a bible scripture that meant something to “our” household; that meant something to our everyday life. I never knew why he wanted it, but I immediately had 3 special scriptures that I found very important to me while my hubby was in the hospital, in surgery and trying to recover. The one I chose was Psalm 17:8 “Guard me as the apple of the eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings.” It went along with a note in a book that said “The storms of life can’t be avoided. Often they’re completely unannounced. But just as the mother eagle protects her young, God protects those he loves, and he will take you under his wings and give you the strength to endure. God will never leave you alone to face your problem.”
As I think back on how much I depended on nothing ever happening to us like this (totally naive of me), it really humbles me to see how much we’ve overcome and been through. Jonathon went from what seemed to be just void of spirit to full of life in an instant right before my eyes in the hospital – I’ve never sat and told him of the things that I’ve wanted too about that hospital stay; mainly because I’ve felt like putting it behind us and into the past and moving on to a healthy new life. There were nights, and still are that I wake up and put my hand on his face to make sure he's really there, that he's breathing. I actually wake up several times a week to this day and put my arms around him, just to feel a heart beat.
One year has passed; and I feel like it’s been a year of major changes in our marriage, in our love for each other. I can’t imagine our marriage w/o this past year – though it came with a lot of trying times – it has certainly made us both look at what’s important in life. I feel like before I took certain things for granted… I have a husband who I can laugh with, cry with (mainly me doing the crying), disagree with and compromise with. He's my best friend, the person I tell even my weirdest stuff too – even some things he’d probably rather not hear! Without that I’d be lost.
Finding out that I’m pregnant really put me at a standstill. I was where I thought I wanted to be in our life – where I was comfortable with being a step-mom and wife, and woman. Thinking back to even the moment I found out for sure he consistently stayed calm and patient while I freaked out and cried that "I didn’t plan this and it’s not the right time". All the while he's just very simply “ok with it”. I’ll never forget that he said to me “we’ll just deal with it like we always deal with everything, this is just the way our lives work and it’ll be fine, it always is”. STILL I doubt myself, I doubt my ability to give enough to this baby boy. But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that as long as we love each other, and show that to both kids – that no matter the problem, it will work out. That has been the foundation of this year for me – our love and patience for each other during trying times only gets stronger.