Monday, September 15, 2008

I went blank

A friend called us this weekend concerned, having just had an allergic reaction. His description of the onset was eerily almost identical to the description my brother gave me when he had his first. I'm hoping and praying that our friend doesn't have to deal with this strange monster.

I had my first anaphalactic reaction about 5 years earlier then Mike, and I just knew that he had a severe allergic reaction and told him how similar his symptoms were to my own - but that particular occasion, the ER doctors diagnosed him w/ severe dehydration. It was reaction #2 that confirmed that he had anaphalaxis. Knowing the first episode was anaphalaxis wouldn't have saved him; it's a increasingly more dangerous situation with each reaction. Even feeling sure of myself in knowing that he was up against something bigger then him with this medical condition, and it's completely random onset, I sit and wonder about the 'what if's' way too often...

This phone call brought emotions to the surface, I even excused myself from company for a moment to catch my breath because I went blank, I couldn't think straight when I ran through the events that led up to my brother's death. I miss my brother so much, there are days that it hits me like a car slamming into a brick wall at full speed - and it hurts so deeply at times that I can't talk to him, it literally takes my breath away.

2 comments:

Heather said...

I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you & praying for you. God understands more than anyone else can.

The Maloney's said...

Oh girl, I'm sorry. I hate you having to go through any of that.